Which life would I choose?

After I’ve met with an undesirable reality and had to tell myself that I could not do anything about it, I finally accepted it.

We’re moving back to Thailand after a short stay in the US. For the past 7 years, not counting the 1 and a half years in Florida, I’ve lived a life of a king, or at least a life of a wealthy man who has nothing to worry about. By that, I mean I have been happy with my stay for the past 7 years. I can’t think of a thing I want to complain. Of course, I’ve always been a little short on money, but it was never to a point where it created problems whether in my marriage or my own personal life.  We always find a way and stay happy with our living situations.

This happy life raises a question in my mind. I’ve never been one who’s happy about everything back when I was in Thailand before. I had a lot of anger and a lot of questions I couldn’t keep them all to myself. There were things back there that I could never let go without expressing myself one way or another. I used to think I could never live without playing music, acting, or writing. A lot of things in day to day life urged me to express myself.

I probably have grown up out of the testosterone driven period, some may say. However, I think our lives have a lot more to do with our surroundings than what happens in our bodies.

Not that I don’t like this happy happy living I’ve led, but sometimes I miss my creative and analytical juice. They’re not completely gone, since I’m still writing this message. (One of the reasons I keep my blog going.) But they’re diminishing fast…

It seems to me that my life was going in and out of dissonance quite often back when I was in Bangkok. I was actually happy, in a way, doing things I did which made me feel worthwhile. Rather than being just one of the average workers in a stable society, I did something worth mentioning.

Maybe this life here is too simple, or maybe a life back there was too complicate, I don’t know. I don’t think I’m jealous of the life I’m supposedly leading though. (<—I believe Adam Sandler said that.)