What am I going to do with myself?

Simple question: What am I going to do with myself?

I lost my way. I don’t have any dreams. I lost my passion, and I have no hope.
How am I going to be able to respect myself again if I don’t even know what to do with myself?

Life is so hard… I’m tired. I’m just 33. I’m tired.

I need to keep myself occupied mentally or I’m going crazy. Writing this is making me crazy. Depressing words would only make me more depress. I don’t want to take an anti fucking depressant pills. The silliest pills created by the United States of A.

I want to be a columnist, but my wife asked how could I provide for our family from a columnist salary? I’m sorry. I don’t want a lot of money. I want just enough to survive. I’m devastated right now. Why can’t I be a columnist and be happy? (I can’t be a columnist and be happy actually. It’s not possible. You have to be at least upset with something to be able to write about it… but that’s not the point.)

alright…I think I feel better now. I really thought about cutting my wrist at the first paragraph but now I’m ok. Writing does help.